🚸A child responds to her mother while arguing “You don’t like someone shouting at you but why do you like shouting at people”.
We started talking about BACK CHATTING last week and we said it’s a rude remark made when answering someone in authority. Back chatting could make any parent’s blood boil. Parents hate it because it can be seen as a certificate of I am not doing my job well.
I still can’t forget this word from last week’s comment; back slap.😀 Figuring out the reason behind the bad behavior can make it easier to understand and resolve the issue.
A child (toddler to teen) may talk back for many reasons;
🚨 To test their own power to see how far they can take it.
🚨When they feel disrespected by the words and actions of parents, caregivers, or people around them.
🚨Used as a release valve to vent emotions. Sometimes a child who talks back is tired, hungry or is simply having a bad day.
🚨Change of a child’s routine or the whole family’s routine.
🚨Sometimes, it’s simply that the child wants your attention.
Whatever the cause, back talk is something parents should take measures to address immediately and effectively.
🚨First, is to note that this is a common thing. Don’t take it personally. Despite everything you do, it can happen once in a blue moon.
🚨The single most important skill to practice is to remain calm and respectful, no matter how frustrated or upset you are. Your child will learn more from how you respond than from what you say.
🚨Be aware of your communication style and minimize the number of commands, orders, correcting, and directing you do with your kids (and spouse). Be respectful in your communication and speak to your children the way you want them to speak to others.
🚨 Be clear with your kids about acceptable ways to express themselves. Be specific, so they know that barking or yelling particular words or phrases or rude behaviors like eye-rolling, lip-smacking, or giving you the death stare isn’t going to fly.
🚨 Be sure to communicate the consequences of back talk ahead of time: By knowing upfront what it will cost them, kids can see how avoiding it is beneficial to them.
🚨 Consistently enforce the consequences decided on, and make sure they make things right with the person they backchatted.
🚨 Discuss the situation with them, particularly how you both could have responded differently to prevent the situation from escalating.
🚨 Finding opportunities for your kids to assume some control over their own world–something like allowing them to pick their own outfits could also help.
🚨If you feel your child needs attention from you, work out a way to spend more one on one time with them.
🚨If you feel it is triggered by something else the child is facing, look for a way to help to offload what the problem is.
🚨Finally, prevention is better than cure, you may need to allow negotiations sometimes. This kind of issue can only be discussed when we get home or when the visitor leaves. You can express yourself but yelling and shouting are not allowed. Also, give room for questions or opinions before you finalize some decisions. In addition, don’t see their questions as challenging your authority as long as they are asked in a polite manner. Teaching your children how to negotiate respectfully is an essential life skill.
✡️As parents, it’s our job to teach our kids how to express their wishes and opinions in a respectful and constructive manner. God will give us the required wisdom and patience 🙏.
Deliberate Mothers
Dr Titi OLAITAN